


As I Watch you Grieve

by signpainter1



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fake Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Lots of Angst, M/M, My boys will be happy!, Revenge, Self-Hatred, Someone needs to stop Yut-Lung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25281709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/signpainter1/pseuds/signpainter1
Summary: “Very well, I’ll spell it out for you. I need Ash to get rid of this group for me and, as you pointed out, Ash won’t get involved unless he has a reason.” A smug smiled crossed Yut-Lung's face. “And what better reason than to avenge his dead boyfriend.”Yut-Lung figures out a way to both, use Ash to take out an enemy group, and not anger Sing by killing off Eiji.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 18
Kudos: 270





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! Here's another story. This will probably be two chapters (since it was too long for one chapter). This is me wanting to write a tragedy without an actual tragedy. Instead, I wrote an angst fest. Truthfully I'm not totally happy how this story turned out. Like all my stories this one is not beta read. Feel free to point out any mistakes that take away from your enjoyment of the story.  
> Quick side note. I don't think this story needs any warnings but if you see anything that you think I should put a warning about feel free to tell me.  
> Anyways let's begin!

It was supposed to be a quick trip to the supermarket. Eiji was supposed to go there, pick up more toilet paper, and then head home. The last thing he was expecting was to be cornered in an alleyway by the Chinese mafia and Yut-Lung. He eyed the young Chinese leader suspiciously. Yut-Lung had been very quiet of late. Sing had told them that he had finally gotten tired of hunting Ash and Eiji and had moved on. Now he was trying to eliminate factions that were still loyal to his brothers.

Sadly, he seemed to be back to bothering Eiji again.

“What do you want Yut-Lung.” Eiji put down the bag he was carrying and crossed his arms. “I thought you were too busy taking out brothers’ allies.”

“I am.” Yut-Lung seemed to be enjoying Eiji’s discomfort. He absentmindedly twisted a hair around his fingers as he surveyed Eiji.

“Then why did you corner me here.”

“I’ve been having” he paused for a second “difficulties with one particular group.” Yut-Lung’s expression became grim. “I can’t find them. They are a small group of mercenaries. They call themselves _Triple R._ They are a hazard to my safety and the longer they exist, the more I’m in danger.” he let go of his hair and took a step towards Eiji “Therefore I’ve decided to….Set Ash on them. He knows this city better then most and is equal if not stronger than they are.”

“Ash isn’t going to help you kill a group of people just because you don’t like them.” Eiji narrowed his eyes. “He’s not like you Yut-Lung. He’s not going to pick a fight with someone who isn’t a threat to him. There’s plenty of evil in New York City. Most problems come to him, not the other way around.”

“Yes, yes I’m aware of that.” Yut-Lung waved a hand dismissively. “That’s why I decided to use an incentive.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a little bottle. “Do you know what this is?” Eiji shook his head. “This is called Juliet’s Slumber. You are familiar with the story of Romeo and Juliet.”

“Yes?” Eiji said cautiously.

“This drug mimics death. It’s the best out there. One sip of this and your heart rate will decrease until it’s barely visible. Your body will become limp and cold. It has fooled trained assassins before-”

“I don’t see what this has anything to do with Ash.” Eiji snapped. He was tired of Yut-Lung’s games. He just wanted him to get to the point. The Chinese leader glared at him and tossed his hair over his shoulder.

“Very well, I’ll spell it out for you. I need Ash to get rid of this group for me and, as you pointed out, Ash won’t get involved unless he has a reason.” A cruel smiled crossed his lips. “And what better reason than to avenge his dead boyfriend.” Eiji’s blood went cold as he realized what Yut-Lung was planning to do.

“It would be easier to just kill you but” Yut-Lung frowned. “Sing is fond of you. And I need Sing on my side so…this is the next best solution.”

“You’re going to fake my death and blame it on that group.” Eiji took a step back. “That’s insane.” If he went through with this, Ash would suffer. He did not want to think of how his boyfriend would react if he thought Eiji was dead. He would become more reckless than he already was. Ash could easily get hurt or die if he wasn’t careful. He took another step back and suddenly bumped into someone. Looking up he found that two of Yut-Lung’s men were blocking the exit.

“Don’t bother running,” Yut-Lung said casually. “These men are trained professionals.”

Eiji grit his teeth and looked for a way to escape. He wished he had Ash’s brains, then maybe he wouldn’t be this useless.

“Oh, good you’re here.”

Eiji looked over to see a woman enter their alleyway. She wore long jogging pants and a sweatshirt. She would have looked like a typical middle-aged woman out for a jog if it wasn’t for the large silver briefcase she was carrying.

“This is Alice Lucid.” Yut-Lung introduced. “She’s a makeup artist. She specializes in faking deaths. She has quite a track record of clients who survived assassin attacks. She will help make sure you look convincingly dead.

“I won’t do it.” Eiji hissed. Yut-Lung rolled his eyes and snapped his figures. The men behind him grabbed his arms and forced them to his side. Eiji tried to kick them but they didn’t react.

“Stop struggling.” Yut-Lung approached him, uncorking the bottle as he did. “It won’t hurt you. You might feel sick over the next few days but there’s no long-term effects.”

“Do you realize what this is going to do to Ash?” Eiji glared at him.

“Of course. That’s why this is the perfect solution.” He snapped again and one of the men forced open Eiji’s mouth. “Think of it this way. Instead of trying to separate you two, I’m merely working off your love for each other.” His eyes gleamed as he tipped the bottle over Eiji’s mouth. The Japanese fought to break free but to no avail. The drug when down his throat causing him to choke a little. Instantly he felt a strange sensation vibrate through his body. He slumped forward, no longer able to move. The guards slowly lowered him to the ground and flipped him over so he was facing the sky. Eiji found that, although he couldn’t move, he could still feel, smell, hear, and see. Yut-Lung came into view looming over him with a triumphant look.

“That wasn’t too bad was it?” Yut-Lung bent down close to him, smugness oozing from each word. “Don’t worry. I’ll give you the antidote when Ash completes his job. Alice, it’s up to you now.” Yut-Lung pulled back as the woman came into view. She knelt next to hive and looked him over.

“Just to warn you to make this look convincing I will need to leave a few real cuts.” She pulled out a knife. “They won’t be deep so they shouldn’t do more than sting.” She disappeared from sight and Eiji felt a jab of pain from his legs and side. If he could have moved, he would have hissed.

“There.” She appeared again and opened her briefcase, “Now for the fun part.” She rummaged in it for a moment before pulling out some ointment. “This stuff is powerful. It’ll cause you to break out and look as if someone tried to tear your skin open with a knife. It’s great at making areas look like gaping wounds.” She began smearing it on different parts of his body. “And this.” She pulled out something else and smeared it on his wrists. “makes it look like you’re bruising. Don’t worry though. All of this is skin deep. It’ll go away after you take a long steamy bath.”

Eiji wished she would stop talking. The more she described how he looked, the more anxious he felt. Ash was going to have a heart attack if he saw Eiji. He would think that Eiji was tortured to death.

“Ah, I forgot to ask. Should I keep his eyes open or close?”

“Open,” Yut-Lung smirked down at him. “The fear and anxiety in his eyes really add to the image.” If Eiji could move he would have hit Yut-Lung. As it was, he could do nothing but silently stew in anger.

“True,” Alice surveyed him for a moment “It’s a good thing he didn’t want to take the drug. If he had been calmer it would reflex in his eyes.” She disappeared for a moment before returning with contacts. “Here you are. Now you don’t need to worry about your eyes drying out.”

It took forever for her to finish applying the different ointments. As she put on each one, she explained its effects and how much he resembled a mutilated corpse. When she finished, she pulled out a knife and began tearing up his clothes. Then she moved to his limbs. She tired his hands together and then twisted his legs in different positions. Finally, she pulled out a large packet of blood.

“And now for the final touch.” She poured it out, so it pooled around him. The smell of it made him nauseous. “And there you have it.” Yut-Lung gave a low whistle.

“I’m impressed. He truly looks like a victim of a horrible tragedy.” Yut-Lung smiled. “Well done. You’ll be paid well for your service.” The woman nodded proudly.

“We should leave so he can be found.”

“One moment.” Yut-Lung disappeared for a moment and returned with a brush and some black ink. He bent over Eiji’s shoulder and drew something. “It’s the sign of Triple R. That should get Ash’s attention.” He straightened up. “Alright let’s go.” He looked down at Eiji one last time. “Don’t worry you won’t be here alone for long. Ash will be here soon. I’ll make sure they are able to find you.” And with that, he left.

Eiji lay there fuming. He had been so stupid. Why did he try to take a short cut? He had thought he was being clever. The short cut allowed him to get to the store and back again in less than 10 minutes. No one would even notice he was gone. Looking back, it was careless of him. He should have been wearier. Why did he forget about Yut-Lung? He had assumed that the Chinese leader wasn’t going to bother them anymore. Eiji wanted to yell into the sky. He wanted to hit Yut-Lung for doing this to him and himself for his own stupidity.

The sun was completely overhead. It was probably noon. Eiji had left around 10 in the morning. He hoped Ash didn’t return to the apartment early or that one of the gang members informed him he was missing. He hoped that Bones and Kong just assumed he was with Ash, so no one was trying to look for him. He hoped that after a while Yut-Lung would give up and just let him go. He hoped for many things though he knew there was no way that Ash wasn’t going to find him. He always did. Usually, that was a good thing but for once Eiji didn’t want to be found. He tried to move but still couldn’t. Whatever that stuff was it was strong

Eiji didn’t know how long he waited there. At some point, he had drifted off to sleep. Despite how worried it was, his body was so calm it was actually easy to fall into a slumber. He was woken suddenly by loud voices.

“I think I see someone over there!” He recognized Bones’ voice. “It could be Ei-” The sound of approaching footsteps suddenly halted. There was an awful pause then Alex’s voice said.

“Get Ash.”

 _“NO!”_ Eiji thought desperately. _“Don’t. Just let me be!”_

Alex appeared in his line of sight looking solemnly down at him. He took in Eiji’s appearance and swore quietly. Alex crouched down and put a hesitant hand over the Japanese’s heart. Eiji knew he couldn’t feel anything. Alex swore again louder. He ran a hand through his hair looking miserable.

“Why didn’t you take Bones or Kong with you.” Alex closed his eyes. “This could have been prevented. Damn it Eiji.”

Eiji felt a gilt pool in his stomach. He had acted recklessly, he knew that. It wouldn’t have been that hard to wait for Bones and Kong. He had to make excuses that it was only going to be a few minutes. He thought he could do it before anyone noticed he was missing. Now he wished he had just waited those ten extra minutes for someone from Ash’s gang to arrive.

“What’s going on?”

It was the voice Eiji didn’t want to hear. It was Ash’s voice. Eiji could hear the cool tone he used whenever he was talking to his gang. He sounded cross but not concerned. Eiji guessed that he didn’t know yet.

“Kong said there was an emergency. Why happened-” His voice suddenly cut off. Eiji knew it was the moment he dreaded. There was a horrible half-second of silence where Eiji could hear Ash take in a long-ragged breath.

“Eiji?”

Ash’s voice was barely over a whisper. It was soft and unbelieving. Eiji heard him take another breath in.

“EIJI!!!”

He screamed it this time. The sound reverberates in Eiji’s ears. It was the worse sound Eiji had ever head. He had never heard Ash sound that panicked before. He yelled as if he was in a great deal of pain.

There were hurried footsteps and Ash appeared hovering above him. If Eiji thought Ash’s voice was bad it was nothing compared to seeing him. Ash’s whole expression was screwed up in disbelief and pain. His eyes traveled down Eiji’s body. Each second that passed they grew heavier with grief

“Eiji…Eiji.,” he repeated Eiji’s name over and over again as if he was a broken record. Eiji had heard his name used in different ways before. His sister said his name teasing. Yut-Lung sneered his name. But this was new. He had never heard his name cried in terror. Ash repeated it over and over again like a dying man begging for food. He sounded like he was dying himself like all the life was leaving him. Eiji desperately struggled to move even a figure. Anything to let Ash know it was alright.

Ash’s eyes moved up to Eiji’s bound hands he gulped, eyes filling with tears.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. This is my fault. I’m sorry. Eiji. No please. I’ll do anything. I’m sorry. Please wake up.”

 _“I am awake!”_ Eiji cried in his head. He almost wished Yut-Lung had just killed him. Watching Ash suffer was worse than the most brutal nightmare he had. Did all the dead get to see the living suffer like this? If so, he felt bad for them. There could be no worse punishment then watching the one you love grieve and not being able to help. Eiji would give anything at that moment to ease Ash’s suffering. He knew Ash’s pained expression was going to haunt him in his dreams.

Ash reached down and scooped up Eiji. The Japanese was surprised by how gentle and firm his boyfriend’s grasp was despite his shaking hands. He pulled Eiji close and cuddled him to his chest. Eiji could feel each of Ash’s quick heartbeats. He could hear Ash’s wails ripping through his throat and vibrating through his body. Eiji could feel each time Ash tensed in pain.

Eiji hated that he was the cause of Ash’s pain. He hated that Ash was this hurt; this broken because of him. He wanted to be there for Ash so they could grow together. Instead, he had became Ash’s nightmares.

After a while Ash’s cries finally died down. He held Eiji close and buried his head in his chest. Eiji could feel all his strength leave him. He was becoming numb, empty, a walking corpse. Ash Lynx was dying. It was worse than his crying. Eiji was afraid. Ash in this state would do reckless things.

“Boss?” a quiet voice said from somewhere near. “We should probably go back to base. Here we’ll take Eiji so-” The man took a step forward. Instantly Ash whipped out his gun out pointing at him. For the first time, Eiji truly saw the Lynx in Ash. It started out from Ash's cold and merciless green eyes. It was hungry for blood. It could kill anyone.

“Don’t touch him!” he roared. All the men escaped back in fear. Ash looked down at Eiji and the pain returned to his eyes. Eiji felt a tiny bit of comfort. His boyfriend was still there. He wasn’t just an empty shell yet. This feeling didn’t last. As Ash’s expression became pain and self-loathing Eiji again desperately wanted to reach out to him. The gang leader put down his gun and gently closed Eiji’s eyes.

Now Eiji was in complete darkness. He could only guess what was happening around him. He felt the ropes around his hands come loose, and then he was rising up. Eiji guessed Ash was carrying him. He was glad that the base was so close. If Ash had to walk through the city he could get caught. It would make everything worse if Ash was arrested for Eiji’s murder on top of everything. Ash was silent for the journey. From how he was being held, he knew Ash was purposely not looking down at him. He felt like he was in a funeral match. He could hear Ash’s men shuffling behind their leader. No one dared to talk.

The journey felt like it took forever even though they were so close to the base. Eiji had no sense of time anymore. He just knew that they had arrived back at Ash’s base when he heard the sound of a door opening and footsteps hitting a wooden floor. Ash finally stopped and Eiji was lowered onto a soft surface. He sunk into it as he felt Ash arrange his limbs, so he was lying comfortably on the surface. Then he felt Ash press his head into his chest.

“I’m sorry.”

These words felt different than Ash’s earlier cries. While those words were full of emotions and grief, these were self-loathing and tired. Eiji wanted to cry. Ash was so close to him, surely, he would be able to hear Eiji’s heart…but the drug was too powerful and after a moment Ash pulled away.

Ash’s footsteps retreated then returned a few minutes later. Eiji felt a wet cloth press against his neck. It traveled down his body cleaning up the fake blood. Then Eiji felt something being wound around his arm.

“I heard what happened.” It was Cain’s voice. He must have just arrived at the base. Ash ignored him; the wet cloth was back again, pressed against his leg.

“Ash it won’t do any good. You don’t need to clean and bandage those wounds. He’s dead He ain’t getting better.”

“I know.” Ash’s voice cracked the air like a whip. “But I can’t just leave him like this. He deserves better. He always did…” Ash’s hand which was now bandaging his arm trembled a little. Any last bit of Eiji’s heart that was intact crumbled. Ash’s tenderness was so heartbreaking. Even though he thought Eiji was dead, he took care of him. He always took care of Eiji. No matter how much he was suffering wanted to make sure Eiji was alright first. 

“He’s going to need a new change of clothes. Go get some” The last part was barked out. The sounds of “yes boss!” and scurrying footsteps told Eiji that he was talking to his men.

“Look at you.” Ash’s voice sounded broken. “What did they do to you? I’m sorry. If I wasn’t here, you would be safe. I knew that.” His voice cracked. “I knew this, but I chose to turn a blind eye. You deserved better than this.” he gave a hectically laugh. “All I’m good at it seems is killing and burying the people that I care for.”

Eiji hated everything. He wanted nothing better than to cuddle Ash and tell him that wasn’t the case. It wasn’t his fault the world was like this. It wasn’t his fault he was part of such a world. He wanted to tell Ash that he was the best thing that happened to him and that every moment they had together made him happy. Eiji wanted to tell Ash that if he ever did really die to live on and learn to laugh and love again.

“You shouldn’t do this to yourself” Cain sounded worried. “You knew that dating him meant there was a chance he would die. He and you both took the risk….let’s just bring his body to the hospital so it can be sent to his family.”

“Back of” Ash hissed.

“You can’t keep him here forever.”

“I won’t. I just want to find whoever did this and kill them then...” his voice faltered. “I will be able to say a proper goodbye.” Eiji’s heart sank. Yut-Lung knew what he was doing. Ash’s grief was turning into anger. Soon it would consume him and he would become an empty shell of himself, dead bent on killing.

“You don’t even know who it was!”

“There’s a mark on Eiji’s shoulder. I’m going to find out who’s mark that is and destroy them.” He leaned down close to Eiji. “I promise I’ll avenge you. It’s all I can do now…If there was a way for me to ask God to switch places with you I would. You have so much life within you. You had so much to live for. Why did you waste it all for someone like me?”

Ash’s lips touched his forehead, then he pulled away.

“I’ll be back later.”

His voice had become emotionless again. The numbness was returning. He knew Ash was going to fight, not carrying if he got killed.

 _“ASH please come back! Don’t do it! ASH!”_ Eiji screamed in his head as he started to struggle again. Ash wasn’t in a good place. He wouldn’t feel it if someone stabbed him. He could easily die. And what if he survived but then lost the will to live before returning and just found somewhere to bleed out. Ash wasn’t suicidal but if he was already dying, he might just give up. Each step Ash took away from Eiji caused the Japanese to panic more. Ash was going to get hurt or die and it would be because of him. This was his fault. He was the worst boyfriend ever. Why didn’t he wait? How could he be so stupid? Eiji never wanted Ash to kill because of him. He wanted Ash to smile and laugh. Eiji wants to scream. Anything to be heard, to escape his own mind and stupidity; to help the one he loved.

Eiji didn’t know how long he struggled after the sound of Ash’s footsteps disappeared. All he knew was that he had to get free. He had to go to Ash. He had to stop him.

“What are you doing?” Eiji paused in his fruitless struggles. The door slammed open and someone came in.

“I’m taking Eiji.” It was Sing.

“Boss told us to keep him here.” Bones sounded angry. “So, don’t try anything.”

“Sing’s right.” Cain cut in. “Ash ain’t thinking straight. We can’t just leave Eiji’s body here. It’ll start to rot.”

“Ash said it wouldn’t take him that long,” Alex said. “We should wait.”

“I’m taking him with me” Sing was standing right next to him “because he’s not actually dead.” This comment was met by a stunned silence. Eiji felt his hope rising. Did Sing know? Did Yut-Lung tell him? Maybe he could help.

“Sing.” Cain’s voice was gentle “You’re in denial.”

“No, I’m not.” Sing snapped. “Yut-Lung did this. He wanted Ash to take out a mercenary group called Triple R.” His voice softened. “I’m just glad he decided against straight out kill Eiji.” If Eiji could, he would sigh with relief. Sing knew the truth. Sing could fix this. He felt himself being lifted up and carried from the room.

“I’ll return him once he’s back.”

And with that, he carried Eiji out the door and into a car that was waiting outside.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, I'm back and wow, you guys are amazing. Thank you for all the comments/Kudos. Anyways here's the second chapter. This one is more fluff than angst. (You deserve it after the last chapter.) I'm not too satisfied with how this one turned out. There also might be more spelling/grammar mistakes. Once again if any mistakes bug you feel free to point them out.  
> Anyways on to the story!

The trip to Yut-Lung’s place took too long in Eiji’s opinion. Every minute or so Sing would apologize for Yut-Lung’s actions. Eiji didn’t care. He just wanted to move again. He wanted the ability to feel his legs and arms so he could save Ash and kill Yut-Lung. When they finally arrived, Sing carried Eiji inside. He was carried from room to room. Eiji wished Sing would open his eyes so he could see where he was. After a few minutes, Eiji felt himself being lowered onto a couch.

“Fix him.”

Eiji heard Yut-Lung muttered something in Chinese. Sing snapped something back. A few seconds later two slender hands went under Eiji’s head and neck. If he could move, he would have jumped. He had forgotten how quietly Yut-Lung moved. He felt something drip onto his lips and into his mouth. The liquid slipped down his throat. Eiji took in a long raspy gasp of air as he jolted. The hands let him go. Eiji sat up as his arms and legs tingling painfully. His whole body ached, and he felt like he was going to throw up. All he wanted to do was to curl in a small ball and sleep. Instead, he forced himself to his feet. He had more important things to do.

“We need to stop Ash before he does something-” Eiji’s voice was hoarse and he broke into a fit of coughs.

“Sit down.” Sing gently pushed him back on the couch. “And drink this.” He handed Eiji a glass of water. Eiji took it and instantly dropped it. Sing caught it before he fell to the ground.

“S-s-ory” Eiji rasped. Sing held the glass to his lips, and he drank gratefully. The water tasted sweet against his dry throat. He felt some of his energy return.

“I know you want to see Ash, but we can’t right now. No one knows where he is. He disappeared right after saying he knew where Triple R’s base was. I tried calling but won’t answer his phone. There’s nothing we can do.”

“He could die there,” Eiji mumbled through the glass of water. “I can’t…it’s my fault… You should have heard him…I never thought…his sounded so broken…I didn’t know…” Eiji’s voice cut off as tears filled his eyes. Sing lowered the glass and Eiji hid his face in his arms. The image of Ash’s broken expression haunted his memory. He didn’t want that to be the last image he had of his boyfriend. He felt Sing touch his shoulder and he looked up at him.

“It’s not your fault.” Sing shot Yut-Lung a look. ‘It’s his.”

“Why are you angry at me? I didn’t kill him.” Yut-Lung crossed his arms. “You realize it would have been much easier on my end if he was really dead. I wouldn’t have to waste so much money.” He stared haughtily at Sing who ignored him.

“You need a bath. If Ash saw, you like this he’d think you’re a zombie.” Eiji didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or protest. On one hand, he wanted to find Ash now. On the other, he could barely move and would probably cause more problems showing up looking like a corpse. After another minute’s hesitation, he begrudgingly nodded and let Sing bring him to the bathroom.

Eiji sat looking at the mirror in the bathroom while Sing filled the tub. Although he knew he looked bad, he was still shocked. If he didn’t know better, he would say he _was_ a zombie. No one, who looked like him, could possibly be alive. He gingerly touched his neck. The skin was peeling and marred as if someone had tried to tear his throat out. If he was someone else he would have thought it looked painful. Eiji gulped; no wonder Ash was so devastated. He doubted the marks on him were random. That makeup artist was trying to tell a story. Eiji, who really didn’t belong in this dangerous world, wouldn’t recognize the signs. Ash however would know exactly what happened to him.

“Ok, it’s ready. Do you need help?” Eiji looked over to find Sing watching him.

“No, I got this.”

Sing nodded and went to the door.

“Call if you need anything.”

Eiji nodded again and he left. Once Sing was gone Eiji took off his clothes and started unwinding Ash’s bandage. He settled in the tub. The warm waters did wonders to his sore body. After five minutes the aches and pains died way. It took longer however to get the ointment out of his skin. He didn’t get out of the tub until he could look into a mirror and safely say he was human.

Once he was satisfied, he got dressed and returned to the room. Sing was on the phone in the corner talking in an angry hushed voice. Yut-Lung was on his laptop. Eiji noticed that the Chinese leader had a large bruise on his left cheek. Yut-Lung looked up from his laptop and saw Eiji. He snapped it shut and crossed his arms.

“Can I help you?” he asked.

“Yeah find Ash.”

“I already sent my men out. Sing is overseeing it now.” Yut-Lung rubbed his bruised cheek and shot Sing a dirty look. “Apparently keeping you alive wasn’t good enough for him.” Eiji clenched his fists. He wanted so badly to hit Yut-Lung but, he knew now was not the time. If Yut-Lung’s men could find Ash, then he would put up with the Chinese leader’s antics for a little while longer. Sing got off the phone and turned to Eiji.

“You’re done. Good, we need to go. We just located Ash. ‘ll take you to him.” Sing turned to Yut-Lung “We need to borrow your car.” The Chinese leader waved a dismissive hand. Sing turned back to Eiji. “Can you walk?”

“I’m fine.” It came out snappier than he attended but Eiji didn’t have time to apologize. He needed to find Ash now. “Let’s go.”

===

Ash stood among the corpses of the fallen men. They lay around him soaked in blood in the dim light. His revenge was done. He had destroyed the group that killed Eiji. Ash knew he should feel something, but everything was numb. Around him, a pool of blood was steadily forming. Ash had been shot multiple times, if he hadn’t been so incredibly numb, he wouldn’t be able to move because of the pain. As it was, he felt weak, partly because of the wounds and partly because his earlier burst of energy was fading. He had won. That meant he should return to the base and….say goodbye to Eiji.

Ash clenched his fist against his heart. Could he actually do it? Could he really go back and see Eiji’s lifeless corpse? He wished he had told Cain to take the body to the police. Eiji deserved to be sent back to his family, not wait at the base for his failure of a boyfriend to return. Maybe instead of returning at all he could just stay here and bleed out. Perhaps that would be for the best. He wouldn’t need to start his new life without Eiji. Now that the revenge was done all his memories of Eiji were flooding back.

He could see Eiji cooking dinner, whistling slightly. He could feel Eiji’s gentle hands around his neck. He could still hear echoes of Eiji’s laugher, pure and angelic. These fresh memories stung against the cold reality. He would never see Eiji again. All this was going to fade over time. Eiji was going to fade from the world.

At that moment Ash wished he felt the pain from his wounds. At least then it would stop his mind from conjuring up these painful images. It would hide the hole in his heart that Eiji used to fill. He was empty, just a shell of a human. The one person in his life that gave him hope was gone forever.

“Ash!”

A voice cut through his thoughts. It was a voice Ash recognized but never thought he would hear again. His head snapped up as his mind reeled in confusing. He saw a fleeting image of Eiji hurrying towards him before he was engulfed in a hug. Instantly Ash was surrounded by warmth. He relaxed and leaned into the hug. He understood what was happening. Eiji was here to take him to the afterlife. A clean whole Eiji, one who didn’t bear the unmistakable markings of torture. One who was not lying still and cold in his base. This Eiji did not feel pain or fear.

“You’re here to get me,” Ash mumbled pressing against Eiji. His boyfriend pulled back a little and Ash took him in. He was beautiful as a spirit as he was in life. Of course, he was, he was already an angle.

“I’m sorry.” Ash’s eyes filled with tears. He didn’t deserve to see Eiji again. It was because of him Eiji was tortured and killed. He had failed his boyfriend on so many leaves and yet he was still here holding him.

“It’s ok Ash” Eiji whispered. “You’re going to be ok.” Ash opened his mouth but found he didn’t have the energy to speak. Eiji’s eyes widened with terror and he jerked away from Ash. The warmth disappeared and Ash wished Eiji would hold him again.

“You’re hurt!” Eiji’s voice sounded distant. The Japanese turned away and started yelling something over his shoulder but the ringing in Ash’s hears blocked everything out. Ash silently begged Eiji to turn around. He wanted to see him, even if he was just a spirit, one more time. The light in the room was fading. Ash faintly hoped that there was a way to see Heaven from hell. It would be his only chance to see Eiji. Ash knew he was not going to heaven. He sunk to his knees as his strength left him and the world faded to black.

Ash knew something was wrong. He could hear a heart monitor and smelled the sanitary smell of a hospital. Did someone save him? He couldn’t feel Eiji’s warmth anymore. Opening his eyes, he found himself in a small room. It was not a hospital room, but it still has medical equipment. Eiji’s spirit was nowhere in sight. Instead, he got an unpleasant view of Yut-Lung sitting in a chair nearby. The Chinese leader hadn’t noticed him yet. He was reading a book with one hand and pressing an ice pack against a bruise on his forehead. He had another bruise was on his cheek. It looked like he had been in a nasty fight. If this was any other day Ash would have scoffed and mocked him. Instead, he couldn’t even muster a frown.

“Why did you save me?” His voice was emotionless, dead. He didn’t really care what Yut-Lung’s reasoning was. Caring meant feeling, and he couldn’t do that. All he wanted to know was why Yut-Lung decided he should continue suffering in this world alone. The Chinese leader looked up from his book.

“Oh, you’re awake already? It hasn’t even been two days. You really are a monster.” He closed his book and placed it daintily on a side table.

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“You’re here because it would cause problems if you went to the hospital. They would ask too many questions.”

“That isn’t what I meant.” Ash wished he would hurry up and answer. He just wanted to know so he could go back to sleep. Sleep sounded good.

“No, I suppose not. I brought you here because I owe you. You took out the men wanted dead. It was the least I could do to pay you back.”

“I didn’t do it for you.”

“I know that. That’s why I had to set the whole thing up. You wouldn’t have attacked if you didn’t find Eiji dead.”

It took a few seconds for the meaning of Yut-Lung’s words to sink it. The Chinese leader was responsible for Eiji’s death. He killed his angle for some petty revenge scheme. A red-hot fire burned in Ash’s chest. Before Yut-Lung had time to react, Ash had launched across the room and smashed Yut-Lung against the wall by his throat. The sound of flat-line beep filled the room from Ash’s unhooked IVs. Yut-Lung chocked and grabbed Ash’s hands with his own.

“You can still move even if you’re this hurt. I can see why everyone says you’re the devil himself.” Yut-Lung wheezed through Ash’s clenched hand. Ash’s eyes narrowed and his hand tightened slightly. It seemed to Ash that Yut-Lung didn’t understand what he did. He thought Ash was the devil. Ash would show him what the devil really looked like. He would show him a Hell that he never experienced before.

“What’s going on!” Sing’s voice rang through the room. “Is Ash… Ash! You’re up!” Ash ignored him. He could talk to Sing later. The first thing he needed to do was to make Yut-Lung pay. He wasn’t going to stop until the man in front of him regret ever setting eyes on Eiji. Before he could start, Ash felt a hand grab his arm.

“Let go! I know you’re angry. Trust me we all want to strangle him, but it will cause problems in the long run.”

“He killed Eiji.” Ash hissed.

“No Eiji’s alive. Let go!”

Ash paused. Eiji was alive? Was that true? Could he be allowed to hope like that? The second his hand relaxed, Sing tore it off Yut-Lung. The Chinese boss coughed and sank to the floor, rubbing his throat.

“Yes, he’s alive.” He rasped from the floor. Sing helped him back into his chair “If you let me finish, I would have explained everything.” He glared at Ash. “I gave him some Juliet’s Slumber and had Alice Lucid do the rest.” Ash’s eyes widened. He knew the effects of Juliet’s Slumber. He also knew all about Alice’s talent. If Yut-Lung’s story was true….

Eiji was alive and unharmed.

“Where is he.” Ash snarled. Sing looked around the room confused.

“He’s supposed to be here…” he shot a questioning look at Yut-Lung.

“He was tired. You’re not supposed to move around much after taking the antidote. Eiji thought it was a good idea to charge halfway across New York City then stay up for almost two nights watching his boyfriend. He was about ready to collapse. I sent him to another room to rest.” Yut-Lung rubbed the forming bruises on his neck. “Between the three of you, my face has taken quite a beating.”

“The three of us?” Sing eyed him. “I slapped you on the cheek, Ash tried to strangle you…” He looked questioningly up at Yut-Lung’s forehead.

“Eiji kicked me when my men tried to remove him from this room.” Yut-Lung gingerly touched his forehead. “They had his arms, so he was trying to get his legs around my neck. I believe he was trying to strangle me. For such a passive boy he sure is aggressive when it comes to Ash. He really didn’t want me to be alone with his precious boyfriend.”

“I don’t blame him.” Sing grumbled. “If I’d known you were going to send Eiji off, I would have come here myself. After what you did, I don’t trust you alone with either of them.” Yut-Lung clicked his tough disapprovingly and folded his arms.

Ash wasn’t really listening. He only heard enough to confirm that Eiji was alright. If his boyfriend could kick Yut-Lung, then those injuries were fake. Without another word, Ash turned and stormed out of the room

“Where are you going?” Sing asked alarmed.

“To find Eiji.”

“You two are ridiculous.” Yut-Lung scoffed. “You should stay in bed before you-”

“If I hear another word from you, I’ll tea-”

“Alright calm down. I’ll show you where he is.” Sing quickly lead the way from the room. Ash turned and followed him.

Eiji looked so peaceful sleeping…or at least Ash hoped he was just sleeping. He didn’t truly believe Yut-Lung at all. He trusted Sing more but it still seemed too good to be true. The image of Eiji’s mangled corpses kept popping into his head. Ash stood at the doorway afraid to get too close. What if Eiji was dead and everyone was lying. Ash knew that if his hopes were shattered again, he would break on the spot. As he stared at his boyfriend, he notched that the gashes and bruises were gone from his body. He took some heart from that. Perhaps Eiji really was sleeping. From this distance, Ash couldn’t tell if he was breathing or not. A sudden wave of fear him. What if when he touched Eiji and his body was cold and lifeless.

Slowly and fearfully Ash forced himself to enter the room. Each step took effort. He wanted to run away. He wanted to run to Eiji. He wanted to check. He didn’t want to know. He had to know. He couldn’t bear it if Eiji was dead. He was going to crack if he didn’t check. He was going to shatter if Eiji was dead.

Ash kept walking until he was looked down at the sleeping Japanese. Slowly he held out a shaking hand and touched his hand.

It was warm.

Ash gave a sob as he took the hand in his and sunk to his knees. The warm hand curled slightly at Ash’s touch. He rested his head on his boyfriend’s chest. He could hear Eiji’s beautiful heartbeat.

“Ash?”

Ash pulled his head up to find Eiji awake and watching him. His brown eyes were full of life. Ash could stare at them forever. Eiji raised a shaking hand and put it to Ash’s cheek.

“You are real right? I’m not dreaming.”

“That’s my line.” Ash breathed. Eiji’s hand shook a little as he brought it back down to his side. Ash was shocked to see anger in Eiji’s tear-filled eyes.

“Don’t do that ever again!” He cried. “If I ever do die please don’t go on a rampage. Don’t throw your life away like that. I don’t want you to die. I don’t want more death on your hands. I want you to live. To smile. Even if it’s hard. You’d find someone better eventually.”

Ash stared at him his mouth open in shock. How could Eiji say any of that? If Eiji died it would be Ash’s fault. Move on? Find someone better? That was absurd. There was no one better. If the one good thing in his life died, he wouldn’t deserve a second chance.

“How would I move on?” Ash croaked. “You’re my everything. Besides…” Ash closed his eyes and took in a shuttering breath. “You have no idea how horrible it was finding you in the alleyway. I thought…I thought…” he couldn’t finish it. He couldn’t even start to describe any of it to Eiji. How could he put into words his thoughts when he saw fond Eiji lying there, eyes open and full of pain and fear. How could he describe his own feeling when he looked at Eiji’s body and discovered that Eiji’s insides were pulled out, probably while he was still alive. How could he describe what it was like to realize that Eiji had died very slowly and painfully?

“Ash.” Eiji’s voice was soft again. “I’m ok.” When Ash opened his eyes, he found his boyfriend sitting up in bed. The image of mutilated Eiji vanished as he looked at his boyfriend over. Eiji was bright and filled brimming with life. There was on pain written on his face or features. Ash reached forward and placed a hand on Eiji’s cheek.

“Thank you.” He didn’t know who he was thanking. God? The Universe? Angles? Yut-Lung? Eij? Sing? It didn’t matter. Whatever reason Eiji was still alive he was thankful for it.

“I’m sorry.” Eiji’s words caught him off guard. What on Earth was Eiji apologizing for?

“I should have been more careful.” Eiji eyes were filled with tears again as he looked at Ash. “You suffered so much because of me. I could see everything. That drug made it so that I had to watch you suffer and I couldn’t do a single thing about it” He broke off and sniffed. Ash felt his blood go cold.

“You saw me…” he dropped his hand and looked away embarrassed. “God, I made such a scene.”

“I never knew.” Eiji gulped “I mean I knew you would be extremely upset if I died, but I never really thought of it…How you would suffer…I never want you to suffer again.” Eiji reached out and pulled Ash into a hug. “I never want to be the reason you suffer. I’m sorry. I caused you more pain then I’m probably worth.”

“You’re worth everything.” Ash hugged him back, scooping his boyfriend in his arms. It felt nice to hold him. They sat there in silence for a little while. Finally, Ash away back. He frowned as a thought occurred to him.

“If they didn’t hurt you, does that mean that I killed innocent people?” Ash ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know anything about them. Damn, I really messed up.”

“They weren’t innocent.” Eiji snorted. “They were mercenaries. Trust me, Sing was telling me the different things they did.” He put a hand on Ash’s shoulder. “I know that doesn’t change the fact that you killed more people but please don’t think about it right now. Just relax.” Ash clenched his fists. All of this hurt. He had done so many things. Even if this was fake it also showed how easy Eiji could be caught and killed. Before he could say anything however Eiji yawned. Ash's fists unclenched as he looked softly at his boyfriend. 

"Let's not talk about this tonight. I just got you back and we're both tired." He leaned forward and slipped into the bed with Eiji. 

"I'm just so happy." Eiji gently touched Ash's face. "I get to do this again. I really thought you were going to die." 

"I thought you were dead." Ash gulped. "The facked that I'm with you now feels unreal." He gathered Eiji in his arms and closed his eyes. He could feel Eiji pressed against him. He was surrounded by warmth and love.

You know.” He muttered “I’m not completely convinced we aren’t dead. After all, how could heaven be better than this?” Ash could feel Eiji laugh against his chest.

“Who knows.”

And with that they both were silent, enjoying each other’s company until sleep came to them. The nightmare was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnd that's it. Yes, I know Yut-Lung got off easy but there wasn't much they could actually do. He's going to regret it when our favorite boys cash in their favors.  
> Anyways if you enjoyed it, feel free to leave a comment. If you hated it, feel free to leave a comment. If you were meh about it, feel free to leave a comment.

**Author's Note:**

> Annd that's it!  
> I hope you enjoyed it. I'll try to get chapter 2 up soon. Feel free to leave a comment/Kudo. I'd love to read what you guys thought.
> 
> Until next time!


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